In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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