I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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