you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
