Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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