Dual....:-)
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
