I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
