I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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