I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
