I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
