Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
