So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
