listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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