Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
