1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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