My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
