Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
