OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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