my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
