she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
