ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
this is an emotional support booty call
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
