Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Vodka?
Forever.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
