I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
