i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
