Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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