If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
