hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
