oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
