maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
