So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
