I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
