David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
