he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
