WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Randomize
