Swine flu is the new snow day.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
