I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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