His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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