hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
