you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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