U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
