I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
