i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
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