ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
