who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
How does it feel to date your dad?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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