Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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