the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
