I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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