recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
