My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
