How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize