the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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