he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
is wine microwaveable?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
