this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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