my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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