What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize