But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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