I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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