i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
