I'm drive I can fine osifer
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
