wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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