u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
