everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
