im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize