i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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