you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
