ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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