I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
