I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
