Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
