I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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