I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
