who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
