grandma shit on top of the toilet
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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