he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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