belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
