Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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