its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
