the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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